As a whole, I just don’t get egg nog. It’s like alcoholic creamy eggy-ness. It seems, to me, like a slimy nutmeg hangover in a tea cup. No bueno. The only time I ever thought that egg nog seemed kinda cool (other than as an ice cream flavor…that I’ll take) was when I had some in the seventh grade and felt like Alex in Clockwork Orange.
But now, with this here recipe for Boozy Citrusy Milk, you TOO can feel like you’re drinking with some Ultra Violent Post-Modern gangsters in a Milk Bar, where you can plan your next murder-robbery, talk about the old “In-out-in-out” and kick your feet up on a table made of naked white ladies wearing wigs!
In other words, this is totally what I’ll be serving at my next Kubrick-themed movie night…Beethoven not included.
Yesterday I had myriad profound moments, mainly due to the appearance of a shoe on my right foot for the first time in over 10 weeks. I decided to walk, Grandpa-style, up the street, really focusing on how I was walking so as to not limp, but WALK. You know, walk hard.
It was totally existential.
I pondered the whole process of this whole foot thing - how I went from being broken and dependent, how I rolled with it all, embraced it, and challenging myself every day to be stronger in more ways than one, and how ultimately I had built the strength to walk across the room with a different style of purpose than I did when I was a toddler. Healing is simply symbolic like that - I was leaning on people, on crutches, and then on my own weight, ever so slowly - especially the part about relearning how to be independent right before turning 30. This shit means something cosmic, you guys.
Anyway. After I spent twenty minutes inching up the block in my zen-like walking meditation, random epiphanies started flooding in…and, much like when I’m totally quiet and in a legit meditation, who jumps into my head?
I started meditating (kind of) when I was in grade school, and have always had teachers and gurus and too-tan yoga instructors tell me to look out for “visions” when my Chakras were open and what not. But THIS, this was different. This was awesome. This was all I could see in my mind’s eye:
This shit means something cosmic, you guys. For reals.
Anyway, after that, naturally, I couldn’t get Jeff Daniels out of my head for the rest of the day. I then proceeded to have a “How fucking underestimated is Jeff Daniels OR Is Jeff Daniels really fucking OVERESTIMATED OR Is Jeff Daniels just estimated ENOUGH?” dilema. I mean, seriously? Let’s consider this for a moment.
Jeff Daniels has done SO FUCKING MUCH in his career: Speed, Terms of Endearment, Dumb and Dumber, The Squid and the Whale, and that Anna Paquin geese movie from the 90’s…plus the fact that he played Anna Paquin’s dad in that geese movie and then fucked her in The Squid in the Whale. He totally blew me away earlier this year when I saw him perform onstage in God of Carnage. Plus, he was at one time considered for the role of Uncle Joey on Full House. Talk about an actor’s body of work, guys!
Oh, also, he’s gotten fat gracefully, and is still working on important things, so that’s really a plus as well.
Anyway, my inexplicably-cosmic Jeff Daniel’s quasi-epiphany spiraled into a vortex of YouTube clip watching. And I think that I decided that THIS is most definitely my favorite Jeff Daniels Jeff Danielsness…
PS: If anyone wants me, I’ll be in Reel Six! What a day!